Told Over Wine, Vol. 4: Reading the Bottle Like a Doctor Reads an X-Ray

Grab a glass. Tonight we’re talking about old juice.

If you’ve read this newsletter since Volume 1, you know this is where the hobby gets dangerous—and where it gets genuinely thrilling. Last week I threw around the word "ullage" and basically said, if the wine dropped below the shoulders, run. A bunch of you immediately hit reply: Okay, but where exactly on the shoulder? What if it's Burgundy and the bottle doesn't even have real shoulders?

Because you don't need a WSET Diploma to read a bottle, you just need eyes and a bit of paranoia. Knowing the condition of a bottle—like a mechanic listening to a cold start—is the only thing keeping you from blowing $500, $1000 or even more, on something that tastes like wet cardboard. You should be able to know how the wine looks like from the screen before you pay the money.

Let's get into it.

Bordeaux bottles have those stiff, squared-off shoulders. What most people don’t realize is that those shoulders are essentially a built-in measuring tape. The auction world uses them to grade "ullage"—the empty space between the wine and the cork. More space equals more air, which equals more risk it has been exposed to oxygen or damage.

Here’s the cheat sheet I run in my head:

Base Neck or Top-Shoulder on a 20-year-old bottle, somebody babied it. It lived in a dark, cold room on its side. Bid with confidence.

Very High Shoulder is completely normal for a two-decade-old wine. Corks breathe, wine evaporates. The auction houses call this "proper storage conditions." I call it a green light.

High Shoulder is where you put your glasses on. On a 30-year-old bottle, this is just the cost of doing business. But you have to look at the wine itself. Is that '90 Bordeaux bright and clear? I'm in. Is it a 2015 at High Shoulder? That bottle saw some trauma, and I'm walking away.

Then we hit Mid-Shoulder, which is the red alert. The official auction-speak implies "inconsistent storage." Sure, some 40-year-old bottles end up here naturally, but you need to cross-examine the label and the cork before handing over your credit card.

Low Shoulder or below? Don't. Just don't. Unless you're buying a pre-war artifact for your mantlepiece, this is dead wine.

Now, for those of us who live and breathe Burgundy, the shoulder trick is entirely useless. Those gorgeous, sloping bottles don't give you a geometric reference point. So, the Burgundy market does something beautifully blunt: they just measure the gap in centimeters from the bottom of the cork to the top of the wine.

If an auctioneer lists 2cm, they are bragging. 3cm on a bottle with 25 years on it means world-class provenance; the angels barely took their share. 4cm is perfectly normal for wines over two decades old.

5cm to 7cm is where you enter the casino. The auction guides literally say these bottles "often provide thrilling drinking," but acknowledge the massive risk. I appreciate the honesty. A 5cm fill on a 40-year-old bottle from a Vosne-Romanée producer we love? I might take the gamble if the price accounts for it. But if it is lower than 7cm, please pass.

Some legendary producers deliberately overfill their bottles on the bottling line. A few drops get trapped under the capsule, making it look like the bottle leaked. Your brain immediately screams "seepage!"—which usually means heat damage. But if the fill level is healthy and you just see a little capsule staining, take a breath. It’s not poor storage; it’s just the domaine being generous.

Reading a bottle isn't a checklist; it's a gut check and taking responsibility of your wallet.

Next time you’re doom-scrolling auction lots on a Sunday evening—couch, phone, 5:58 PM—don’t just fall for the prestige of the label. Zoom in. Read the shoulders and whatever conditions that the auction noted.

You’ll be the one drinking the good stuff.

Cheers,

Fri Day Red